Parents of medically complex, disabled, or neurodivergent kids** face two major problems:
1.) There is grief in the surprise of raising a disabled child. We commonly say “as long as the baby is healthy” when someone is pregnant. However, we know 10 to 15% of kids have disabilities. Society underprepares parents to receive a diagnosis.
There is so little visibility into the good life that is possible for your child. Maybe you don’t have many hopeful examples of adults or children leading good lives while living with your child’s diagnosis. Maybe the prognosis is painful (or frighteningly open-ended) and the idea of spending so much time in a hospital with your child is sad. Maybe your child is deeply misunderstood and not accepted by your community.
2.) The infrastructure for raising a disabled child in our society is… wait… there’s infrastructure? Maybe you are tired from having to actively create support for your kid’s medical or behavioral needs. Parents fight insurance, battle for IEP and 504 support in schools, navigate rude stares in public places, and do not receive adequate respite care. Research has shown parents of disabled kids show chronic stress symptoms that are similar to combat veterans, and this is no surprise. It is hard to parent. It is especially hard when depleted and defensive.
If you are stressed out in taking care of your child, you are normal! Acknowledging this does not make you a bad parent and does not have anything to do with your child. You need a chance to put your own oxygen mask on first—to care for yourself in a way that both helps you feel better and brings out the best in your parenting. Therapy helps you pause long enough to move out of crisis mode and into a more sustainable longterm life strategy, based on your priorities as a parent and tailored to the resources you have.
Call me or fill out the form below if this feels familiar to you and you want support!
** Note about word choice: You will notice that I refer tomedically complex, disabled, or neurodivergent kids as disabled kids for the rest of this page. This is for clarity’s sake—it is bulky to use more accurate terms. If you haven’t seen “neurodivergent” as a term, it’s an identity-positive term that refers to ADHD, autism, epilepsy, etc. as divergent perspectives rather than dysfunctional ones, even if they come with symptoms that patients themselves would like to treat. While the government uses “Special Needs” in their discussion of services, individuals who have received this label report that this term is offensive when referring to people.
You may also notice that I use disability-first language rather than person-first language. This is based on the social model of disability. I recognize that some clients prefer person-first language for equally valid reasons, so I always ask and follow the client’s lead on what their children prefer (or what they themselves prefer for younger children.)